It's all in the mind!

Over the years with crohn's disease, i have encountered numerous examples of the most tactless in the world who cannot grasp the concept that they surgically remove disease for a reason, not simply because you are stressed or your brain is 'telling'you you are in pain. I am sure we all know them and have come across them. Some in our families, some are in the medical world. Others exist in other areas.
I realised from my early time with this illness that a large part of dealing with it would be how I could cope mentally with everything about Crohns. Not only my own dark, negative thoughts about how i felt, my fears and private limitations. Crohns is hard to deal with because it is not really that well understood, even by family members, who should know better. This does little for the stress levels.
I am certain all sufferers look into the mirror, trying to deal with side effects of drugs or looking pale, emaciated and exhausted. I imagine most have wondered who it was staring back at them, especially when 'moonface' from steroids or malnutrition makes your image skeletal? It is a difficult message to your brain telling you your treatment will transform the way you appear, or your body has become a sick test arena to see how ashen and thin you can look, while still actually pumping blood around the body!
I remember  having an early flare up back in the days when personal videos were not a popular possession, never mind personal computers. I glimpsed a face in the mirror of a hospital day room, bloated, shiny with eyes staring!  Realising it was me it became obvious that steroids, despite their obvious benefits, have considerable disadvantages!
All i have said in this piece revolves around, my mind, my reflections on how people dealt with and deal with me, as well as my mind and how i have viewed my self, reflected on my body and the effects the condition and treatments have had on it.
The heading of it 'all being in the mind', is both a sarcastic dig at all of those 'well-informed' people who offer similar inflammatory and ignorant advice to chronic illness generally + an admission that it is not only a daily battle with crohns over the possession and working of your body but a fight inside your own head to deal with the demons crohns inspires!
After all these years, it doesn't really go away. This struggle within yourself, the self doubting, the lack of self esteem, the defeatism, the despair and gloom, all remain stuck away in the brain and being, waiting to emerge on a bad day. They do emerge as well, sometimes with less severity, other times all guns blazing!
I hope to be honest enough to relate much of what my mind has spilled out, mainly against myself and self worth , but also, sadly against others. I hope this blog will be honest and as close to the truth of it all as is possible. This is my intention.
It will be difficult, emotions are not temporary, they are with you for life! The same as self esteem and worth, i wish i could say that on a given day i packed it all away and danced off into the sunset singing 'what a wonderful world' but its not like that.
To end todays contribution, which is amazingly lacking in mentions of bowels, body fluids and diarrhea, i'd say that everyone with crohns experiences highs and lows, doubts and rushes of positivity. We all must know the feeling of overcoming a flare up or getting through surgery and feeling as if we are moving forward. We all know the sense of foreboding of a flare up on the horizon, will medication deal with it or surgery?
All sufferers have these physical rides of emotion! Our bodies take one hell of a hammering, sometimes we feel we are so low it will be hard to get anywhere close to the strength and energy needed to cope. 
The mind is on this ride on a daily basis, struggling with ourselves and the world, the illness and mundane realities of living. It is all in the mind, it always will be, but not in the way that those who have not one clue mean!