Crohns- Glass Half Full

I see Crohns as as much a struggle with the mind as the physical aspects resulting from the illness . I think it is apparent to anyone who has read this blog over the period i have written it.
I find that much like the illness can be unpredictable, so can my mood and outlook. I have never grasped how or what  can cause my mood to change to a darker less positive one, but am aware of it , i can see the darkness.
It is and has been a struggle with a fluctuation of mood and even depression over the time. I cannot even definitely say it is wholly connected to my illness. I suppose it is inevitable that anyone with a long term condition will wrestle with depression.
What  I want to say in this blog is that, despite a battle with illness and mood swings, I have come to the conclusion that the illness is not going to defeat me by allowing my outlook, even if it is low, to hold me in a limbo of self pity and inertia.
I have experienced many clear bright days when the sun can appear and overpower the full force of any storm or downpouring of rain. I have often understated the full effects of the glimpses of this light, lessening its ability to brighten my day and positivity.
Illness wears you down and diminshes your will and fire. Some days there are many bright rays offering me optimism and positivity, and i fail to grasp it or take advantage of these rays of light.
I do tend to allow things get on top of me , sometimes quickly and with a force. I have a tendency to keep in those problems and they worsen and become more significant then they warrant.
I am blogging today to try to encourage people to embrace the dark thoughts and downs, become open and more free in sharing feelings. I have realised over time , yes i am slow on the uptake, that living with crohns can provide so many good times, experiences and relationships. I think i have been unwilling or unable to take advantage of those happier times, which can help give crohns a greater control and power than i want it to.
I am personally determined to let these bright rays dominate my outlook and future. I have no intention in the present and future of letting crohns or depression make decisions for me.
Add to this i am also determined to view the realities of my illness not to swallow me up and become the major element in my character.
I realise that everyone struggles with all the effects of this illness, and some days are always going to be better than others. I have lived so long with the illness, than 'normal' John no longer exists.
Nevertheless, it doesn't mean that i am defeated or will compromise. i have done this, it doesn't help, i want to run the illness when possible, not the other way round.
The bottom line to everything about this illness is to have someone to share this load and to be able to 'hold your hand' through it. you have to also be strong enough to admit you need your 'hand to be held'.